The Ethos of Jigga Maxx

Final Week in SA

Mon, 22 Aug 2011 05:49:00 -0400

I’m here in the TV room at the Ele waiting to head to the airport. Checked out and made sure everything is in order. This past week has been pretty chill and I’m glad for that.

Didn’t do clinic last week b/c I still wasn’t 100%. Mon, finished the chart review. David told me about a group of his friends who were on a train headed back to CT and were held at knife point for cameras, passports, ~R6000 and various other possessions. Worst case of theft I’ve heard of so far. Tues, went in to GF Jooste w/ the doc. We did rounds on the TB ward. The patients at Jooste aren’t as sick as those at Groote Schuur (Levels 1-2 as opposed to 3-4 w/ complications). While we were there some visitors walked in and just strolled into the isolation room, leaving both doors ajar. The doc was being briefed by a registrar (resident) and I couldn’t keep my eyes off the ignorant visitors. They were quickly escorted out, taught about procedure and given masks. It wouldn’t be too difficult to have a coded door. If we weren’t standing outside the isolation room, who knows how long the door might have been left open. There were plenty of immunocompromised patients in the ward. It also bugged me that one Indian resident would present and then start texting on her phone when the doc was giving her direction. She didn’t seem very professional. She may have even been an intern, but regardless it’s rude. When asked why a patient wouldn’t be getting better after being treated, she mention IRIS (fun new fact for me), but she failed to mention XDR/MDR or misdiagnosis. Even I as a lowly first year thought of those. Finally, it was strange to observe “prayer” in the ward. A patient was wailing and writhing while the resident sister prayed over her. I thought they were trying to kill her at first. She seemed delirious. I understand though that I need to be considerate b/c it’s a culturally sensitive issue.

Wed, I didn’t go in to work. The weather was nice. Instead, I went up TM in the cable cars w/ David. It was fairly anticlimactic. Thurs, went in and didn’t do much. There was an office presentation on research to isolate a new TB treatment compound. Fri, the doc e-mailed me to do rounds w/ him again, but I got in at 11. Missed him. Walked back in the rain. Bought some gifts at a shop by LM. Fri night, had dinner w/ John, Aly (NYer; Art History grad student) and a few others at Touch of Madness. Best (and the first I ever had) Malva Pudding ever. Sat, went to Old Biscuit Mill, then winelands. Yesterday, just hung out and watched movies all day. Be Kind Rewind (***); Adventureland (****); Cap’n America (***1/2). There’s a new group of German geography majors that came in. I couldn’t swallow my words when I met Yara and immediately complemented her on her gorgeous eyes. Ameli is an effervescent character. Half Guatemalan, she seems like someone w/ whom I’d get along well. The others are also quite friendly, but hell, I’m an awful judge of character.

Next stop: home =)

Wineries

Sat, 20 Aug 2011 11:39:10 -0400

Went to the winelands in Stellenbosch today. David hiked TM w/ the new Germans. The Belgians flaked so it was just Milena and I. It turned out to be a great experience. We went to Spier first. Saw the cheetahs, but I didn’t wait around for the adult encounter since Milena was hungry. I just had an overwhelming sense of contentedness today. I figure I could always pet a cheetah the next time I was in Africa. And if I never wound up in Africa, so what? We then went to Rust en Vrede. Milena had an R150 sirloin lunch. I had a tasting. It was gorgeous. I didn’t take a picture because it didn’t seem like something that could be reproduced in a photo. We went to buy some wine for dinner tonight at a local wine shop. The selection was staggering. On the way back, we had a near death experience. Milena (driving) said, “this is my favorite song” as a track came on. A minute later she drove into the wrong lane of traffic. Fortunately, there wasn’t any immediate oncoming traffic. A driver going in the same direction (in the correct lane) honked furiously. Milena sped up past the divider and got into the correct lane. Thank God the divider didn’t continue for too long. We could have been jam. Looking forward to dinner tonight. We’ll be taking 3 cars b/c the hired van overcharged when they heard we were foreigners (effing SA). Looking even more forward to my flight home Monday. It’ll be nice to see my dog and mellow out. Being disappointed by Justine was upsetting. I’m thinking I may not even try to hang out w/ Iemi this week. She’ll just be another girl/person who lets me down. It’s better I keep to myself. Keep to medicine.

"I have three kids and no money. Why can’t I have no kids and three money?"

Tue, 16 Aug 2011 04:26:29 -0400

“I have three kids and no money. Why can’t I have no kids and three money?”

- Homer Simpson (via david)

My Office Space

Mon, 15 Aug 2011 06:10:00 -0400

Just outside my office you can see Devil’s Peak. It’s one of four mountain structures (Signal Hill, Table Mt, Lion’s Head) that are considered major tourist attractions. I haven’t hiked up any yet. Some friends want to do a sunset/moonlight hike up LH tonight b/c there will be a full moon. It’s hard to coordinate ppl though. We’ll see if it happens.

Jocelyne leaves today and Deren left on Sat. Milena seemed sad even though she’s spoken for. Note to self: Milena’s car has the same rancid smell the “Green” room had when I first arrived. I wonder if there’s a connection. Titi ran up a R4000 fee and never paid it. He’s blacklisted at backpackers in SA. This weekend I intended to go to Stell, but just wound up being lazy. Some others hiked the Table yesterday and another group went on the Point tour Sat. I wanted to go up in the cable cars, but they are never open. I think I’m content w/ the amount of touristy activities I’ve completed. I didn’t make it out to Long St for Shingi’s Bday/Deren’s farewell. Ppl just tend to take too long to get out of the Ele. All the drinking and smoking just puts me off. It certainly doesn’t help that I have a cold. We also saw a Rugby match on Fri. DHL Western Province got their asses handed to them by the Durban Sharks. Rugby bores me to tears. I think I’ll stick to American sports. Another German girl came by for the weekend. She wasn’t the friendliest of ppl. Just kept to herself. Bought a painting at Green Pt flea market yesterday. I think I’ll give it to Christina. Went to Kauaui again and had another wrap. We need more Hawaiin cuisine in NYC.

I’ve just completed the the file work I was assigned. It was literally the second time I worked on it. Last week the doc was out of the office for courses. We had to carry the files ourselves to and from the hospital. Miserable. There are a few more patients and fields I need to clear up, but I don’t imagine that taking too long. Looking over the files is frustrating. Data is crossed out or corrected with whiteout. E-mail printouts are used as lab reports. Also, the one inconsistency I can never seem to reconcile are patient deaths. I haven’t come across a single completed death report. It can’t be too great being a patient here.

One more week till I’m home. School will be absolute torment, but it’s now or never.

"Never looking back or too far in front of me. The present is a gift, and I just wanna BE."

Fri, 12 Aug 2011 04:37:37 -0400

“Never looking back or too far in front of me. The present is a gift, and I just wanna BE.”

- Common

Didn't follow through

Fri, 12 Aug 2011 04:35:00 -0400

Got brain, but I couldn’t sleep w/ the chain-smoking drunk French girl. I was shivering the entire time I was at her place. It’s as if my body was trying to reject the situation.

Clarity

Fri, 12 Aug 2011 03:55:17 -0400

I know when to stop drinking. I know money isn’t everything. I know sex doesn’t solve anything. I know drugs and cigarettes are self-destructive. I know knowledge is power, but most information is useless. I have a hard time finding people who know all these things. The closest I’ve come is fellow medical students. Everyone has an addiction. I’m not trying to sound elitist. I don’t feel elite. I feel alone. Why can’t people enjoy a quiet walk or sitting on the East River Promenade enjoying the breeze? Instead we have alcoholics, sex addicts and gossip-mongers. We can’t even sit together silently without feeling uncomfortable. We have to fill the air w/ useless information that no one really needs to know. I’ll be damned if I want to find sensibility in the 21st century.

Mission accomplished. I didn’t get my money shot b/c I...

Wed, 10 Aug 2011 08:36:00 -0400

Mission accomplished. I didn’t get my money shot b/c I arrived just before feeding time. The lion cubs were pacing by the fence. There were three 12 week-olds, 1 boy (Sharky) and two girls (Mona and I don’t remember the name of the other). This was definitely a large part of why I came to Africa. Now I need something else to put on my bucket list.

Put my game face on to surf. The trickiest part is keeping your...

Wed, 10 Aug 2011 08:20:21 -0400

Put my game face on to surf. The trickiest part is keeping your muscles relaxed.

My masseuse. Don’t quite remember her name, but she said...

Wed, 10 Aug 2011 08:08:00 -0400

My masseuse. Don’t quite remember her name, but she said it meant “beloved one” in Italian and something not quite as romantic in Spanish. She smacked me when I got excited.

Pearl Gestures

Wed, 10 Aug 2011 08:02:00 -0400

Attending: Physicians have a language and we should use it. Imagine if a lovely female physician was at a conference gesturing while presenting a case to a room full of gentlemen. What if the case involved the mammary gland and she pulled out her pair of voluptuous breasts and began rubbing them?"
Me: There would be applause?
Attending: There would be semen flying everywhere!

SA - Day 33

Wed, 10 Aug 2011 07:26:00 -0400

A week and a half left and I’m still bordering on homesickness and serenity out here. It’s just minor things I miss, like my dogs, immaculate bathrooms and privacy. Saw the doc’s presentation last Friday. It was quite impressive. He’s certainly qualified to be a fellow. Went to the aquarium last Thursday w/ two new Norwegian girls. Nothing special. Left Friday for my trip w/ John and the two German girls. Went straight to Storms River. John jumped the bridge Sat morning. The others met up w/ Orjan & co and went for a hike while I got my first massage ever. Went w/ aromatherapy. The woman looked like a stripper, I couldn’t say no. We left for J-Bay that night. Stayed at “Island Vibe”. Went to dinner where Jocelyne told me about the polar bears that plagued Churchill in Canada. If they come into town they get tagged. “Problem bears” are taken to bear prison and not fed for 6 months. People drive in their car to walk their dogs b/c they’re afraid of being mauled by bears. Population ~700, but swells up to 15k for a special event (don’t remember if it had something to do w/ the bears.) Checked out the mediocre nightlife in the town. Apparently, we missed a “porn party” the previous night where everyone at the backpackers dressed up like a pornstar. Sun, we went surfing. Exhilarating. Supposedly, there’s a place in Montauk where you can surf and snowboard (even surf while there’s still snow on the beach). I’ll have to look into it. Went to Seaview Lion Park in the afternoon. Orjan got pulled over and charged a R500 fee b/c he didn’t have an international permit. Silly. Spent another night in J-Bay. It was a gorgeous beach. I may have to move to Hawaii after all. Mon, the others surfed again, but I was feeling too congested to try my hand so I just walked along the beach. Derren joined our car as we tried to head to Mossel Bay, but there was a traffic accident. We wound up staying in Wilderness at “the Beach House”. I woke up and saw a girl climb out of bed with a guy. It’s a hostel dorm room. I guess if I were wasted and horny enough, I’d have done the same. Finally, we made it back to the Green Ele. Random tongue twisters: say “toy boat” 10x and “I love NY; I need NY; I love, I need unique NY.”

Flying Solo

Wed, 10 Aug 2011 07:05:00 -0400

Went to clinic twice last week. The first time (Tues) I went to a fixed clinic where I hung out with the SA students with robust senses of humor (I’m actually posing w/ the ringleader in this photo). The second time (Wed), we were grossly understaffed for the first time since I’ve been here. Zara joined me. We split the few students up between the two camps. Apart from Zara, there were two other clinical students (SA and France). There was one other pre-clin and two pre-meds. It was a feeble team for sure. After teaming up w/ Zara for a bit and working on the physical, I was asked to see patients on my own. I saw two women. One with muscle aches and another w/ pharyngitis. I wasn’t nervous, but I had no idea what I was doing. The attending was a nice enough guy. When I first presented to him, he noticed I would point to myself when referring to a spot on the patient’s body. All in all, things went smoothly.

Chipped

Wed, 10 Aug 2011 06:53:16 -0400

My tooth walking and texting. It’s not noticeable, but I can feel it w/ my tongue. Wouldn’t have happened if my boss had showed up for work today. TIA. Puts me in a bad humour. Ross left this morning. Not sure if he’s the source of my cold. Won’t go to clinic tonight. I’ve officially been here the longest (not sure on Ellie though). Came back from the trip yesterday. Had the time of my life. The only thing that could make this summer any better would be sleeping w/ Adrianna Lima. Of course I’m rapidly approaching the worst two years of my life. And summer isn’t over yet. Could take a turn for the worse.

Bubbleshooter

Wed, 10 Aug 2011 04:55:02 -0400

Sitting in the office playing bubble shooter. Too lazy to update.

Clinic 8/2/11

Wed, 03 Aug 2011 06:04:53 -0400

Went to clinic after hanging out with Ross and Orjan at “BloBurg”. Last night I was at a fixed clinic for the first time. I saw a baby who tried shaving w/ his dad’s razor and cut up his chin. His chief complaint was impetigo. His mom complained about aches in her neck and back. They seemed stress related. The last woman spoke in Khosa and had a URTI. (Tesham missed pharyngitis on inspection). The second to last woman we saw came in complaining about potential discharge. “It’s like something wants to come out but there’s nothing.” STI? It sounded silly. She also said she had back pains. Not very helpful. Perhaps she just wanted to be screened for STIs. We did an extensive history and by the time we got to Gs and Ps she started tearing up. She was G3P1. She miscarried. We asked about her one child. It was a girl. At 1 year 8 months, her stepfather raped the mom and then the girl. The girl died. He’s also no longer with us for whatever reason. She has a new bf and doesn’t use condoms. We held our breath as we performed her HIV test. She was negative.

TIA Jokes

Wed, 03 Aug 2011 05:51:00 -0400

The humor of SA med students as I witnessed firsthand on the way back from clinics last night:

Q: What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
A: *gag*

Q: What does a baby sound like when you put it in a blender?
A: I don’t know. I was too busy jerking off.

Q: What’s worse than 9 babies nailed to 1 post?
A: 1 baby nailed to 9 posts.

Q: How do you make an orphans hands bleed?
A: Tell him to clap until his parents come home.

A man was trying to get his cows to mate. A wiseman told him the secret was to put his finger in the female cow’s vagina and then pass his finger in front of the male cow’s nose. The next day, he tried it and to his surprise it worked. The male cow got a massive erection and mounted the female cow. That night, he went home and figured he could do the same thing with his wife. He stuck his finger in her vagina and passed it in front of his nose. He got excited and woke his wife up. He says to her, “look what I have for you.” She says, “you woke me up to show me you have a bloody nose?”

Q: What goes blurp, blurp, meep, meep.
A: A baby in an acid bath.

Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It was stapled to the chicken.

Q: How do you make a baby crawl in circles?
A: You staple one of its arms to its side.

Q: What’s the difference between a fridge and a baby?
A: One doesn’t scream when you put your meat in it.

Q: What’s the problem with having sex w/ 21 year-olds?
A: There’s 20 of them.

For the record. I don’t find their baby jokes very funny.

A Mother's Lullaby

Wed, 03 Aug 2011 05:44:06 -0400

(For some reason this came to mind. It’s an intense poem I remember from the JHS-3 textbook I used while teaching in Japan)

A big, old tree stands by a road near the city of Hiroshima. Through the years, it has seen many things.
One summer night the tree heard a lullaby. A mother was singing to her little girl under the tree. They looked happy, and the song sounded sweet. But the tree remembered something sad.
“Yes, it was some sixty years ago. I heard a lullaby that night, too.”

On the morning of that day, a big bomb fell on the city of Hiroshima. Many people lost their lives, and many others were injured. They had burns all over their bodies. I was very sad when I saw those people.
It was a very hot day. Some of the people fell down near me. I said to them, “Come and rest in my shade. You’ll be all right soon.”

Night came. Some people were already dead. I heard a weak voice. It was a lullaby. A young girl was singing to a little boy.
“Mommy! Mommy!” the boy cried.
“Don’t cry,” the girl said. “Mommy is here.” Then she began to sing again.
She was very weak, but she tried to be a good mother to the poor little boy. She held him in her arms like a real mother.

“Mommy,” the boy was still crying.
“Be a good boy,” said the girl. “You’ll be all right.” She held the boy more tightly and began to sing again.
After a while the boy stopped crying and quietly died. But the little mother did not stop singing. It was a sad lullaby. The girl’s voice became weaker and weaker.
Morning came and the sun rose, but the girl never moved again.

SA - Day 25

Tue, 02 Aug 2011 06:58:38 -0400

Yesterday, I came in and the doc wasn’t here. Waited till about noon and took off. Paid for about 2900MB of internet. Came in late today. Was distracted at the hostel. Tried to obtain a sample for the doc, but unfortunately the patient was clotting too much to aspirate. Gonna try clinic tonight. Was too lazy last night. Just read White Noise. It’s getting more interesting. Murray and Heinreich have the best dialogue by far. John’s gone so no more West Wing. Hell of a show. I feel like I’ve been here too long. Would love to move my flight to like tomorrow. Hopefully we make it out to PE this weekend and enjoy ourselves.

Cape Town’s a great place to play punch buggy. Lot of...

Mon, 01 Aug 2011 04:35:35 -0400

Cape Town’s a great place to play punch buggy. Lot of classic cars. A surprising number of new high end cars as well.